Tag Archives: Satanism

Movie Review: The Witch (2015)

witchposter

Rating: B+/ The Witch is a good example of a film you should go into blind, knowing next to nothing about it’s story. It’s a bit of a slow burn, definitely not for everyone, though those with the patience to soldier through it’s sluggish bits will be rewarded by the film’s eerie, cynical conclusion. In 1630’s New England, a dysfunctional puritan brood, led by the devoutly Christian William (Ralph Ineson) eke out an existence in the middle of fucking nowhere, shortly after leaving their home village due to religious differences with the town elders. No sooner are they living off the grid, so to speak, than the infant son of William and his wife Katherine (Kate Dickie) vanishes seemingly into thin air while their teen daughter (Anya Taylor-Joy) is watching him, and some weird shit starts going down in the woods surrounding their small farmstead. Continue reading Movie Review: The Witch (2015)

Movie Review: Dark Places (2015)

DarkPlaces

Rating: B-/ Flaws aside, I don’t think this movie is as bad as the critics say. Sure, the characters are fairly unlikable and the plot twist doesn’t hold up to close scrutiny, but I was invested throughout the entire film in what was going to happen next (which is strange, since the lead character actually kind of annoyed me.) Plus, I love Charlize Theron, no matter what kind of fucked-up head case she’s playing (take the Oscar-winning crime drama Monster, for example. ) Continue reading Movie Review: Dark Places (2015)

The House of the Devil (2009)

600full-the-house-of-the-devil-poster

After watching and loving Ti West’s creepy cult flick “The Sacrament,” I decided to try this on for size. Bad idea. Let’s see, how does this movie exasperate and *piss the living crap* out of me? Let me count the ways. First (but not firstly) the premise- where have I seen this before? A pretty girl is hired to take on the babysitting job from Hell? Wait, I remember, dozens of horror movies and urban legends. Eek.. “Have you checked on the kids?” You know, that kind of thing.

This movie was also transparently derivative of “Halloween” in many ways, but I was willing to overlook that. ‘Homage’ and all that. You’ve got the good girl, the edgy friend (friend(s) in the case of Halloween.) Oh look, the waif fights back. Still, “Halloween” is the far superior film, with genuine scares and a strong and likable character in Jamie Lee Curtis’ Laurie Strode.

But nothing could prepare for the craptastic number of infallacies in the plot. It’s the night of a solar eclipse, and pretty, perky  Samantha (Jocelin Donahue) leaves her campus to go to a house in the middle of nowhere, under shady circumstances, on a babysitting job. Never ONCE does she ask the man hiring her about the age of the child, any medical conditions, etc. over the phone. The man insists that the job is extremely important and never once does Sam question the intensity of his request.

Finally Samantha and her friend Megan (Greta Gerwig) drive off to this strange house. Megan thinks something’s up (huh, at least one of these girls has half a brain between them) so *SPOILER* of course Meg’s the first to go belly up. *END OF SPOILER* Enter effeminate old Mr. Ullman (Tom Noonan) and his overly touchy wife Mrs. Ullman (Mary Woronov, who is seriously manhandling Sam in her first scene.) When she gets there, they kindly inform her that it is not a child she will taking care of, but Mrs. Ullman’s mother.

Samantha understandably tells them that she is not trained to play nurse, Mr. Ullman advances on her menacingly and demands that it is ‘crucial.’ Well, as it turns out, our leading lady’s willing to do it… for a price. Fork it up, Ullman. Remind me why we’re supposed to be rooting for this girl?! Sam doesn’t ask to see the old crone, or even question if there IS an old crone. She simply takes the job no questions asked, because if she turns out raped, injured, or dead, at least she’s being paid well for it.

When the movie deteriorates into Satanic nonsense, I was already bored and fed up. There’s a weird demon thingie that looks like the love child of the faun from “Pan’s Labyrinth” and Lord Voldemort, a menacing pizza man, and a blood ritual. Eh. The beginning is extremely slow, but never in the establishment of the story do we get any innovation or character development. The climax is laughable. Even as someone who has a legitimate fear of demonic imagery, I was left unimpressed.

Needless to say (judging by my bitter, cynical rant, in other words) I was disappointed by this film. But charitable soul that I am, I may be willing to give Ti West another try. Anyone who was NOT turned off my misanthropic dissection of this film may discuss Ti West and his worthwhile endeavors (or lack thereof) with me. People who were can ignore me and watch it at their own risk. You can’t spare everyone, I guess.

houseofthedevil2